She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize