the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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