I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
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Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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