Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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