My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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