woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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