Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize