Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
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Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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