I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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