My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm at about main and main street
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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