my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize