Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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