im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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