Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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