sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize