I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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