OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize