she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
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I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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