I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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