I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
