I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize