I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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