Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize