Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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