Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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