1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Plan B is the new Plan A
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize