Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize