What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize