OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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