i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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