Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
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