When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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