mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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