so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize