When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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