Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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