so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
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I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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