Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize