Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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