Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize