gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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