Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
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Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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