She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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