ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize