I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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