Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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