Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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