I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
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Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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