I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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