When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize